Have you ever had sex so good that it changed your life?
Two bodies melting into one hot and sweaty pool of lust and love. Your toes curl, back arches, and your whole body quivers like never before… over and over again. Has it been two hours? Or two days?
Pure, unadulterated sex is all about pleasure and fun. Relationships, marriages need it to survive, and it’s also good for our health!
But no matter our age, sexuality, or gender identity, we can all use a little guidance in the bedroom sometimes.
Unfortunately, it’s not always the same toe curling action for everyone.
Good news is, sex is subjective. After all, not everyone can be brought to a mind blowing, discombobulating climax the same way.
In the spirit of helping you shake things up in the bedroom (or any other room) and get the most pleasure for yourself and your partner, we’ve compiled some helpful tips for better sex to help you out!
Your new sex life begins here.
12 tips for a better sex life
1) Explore your own body
Source: The Independent
And yes! By exploring, we mean masturbation. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, masturbation is a healthy way to explore your body. Because how else would you know what you like, and what makes you tick?
Spend a day or two every now and then to explore and enjoy your own body. Treat it as a form of self care.
Touch… feel… really FEEL, and at the same time, be present, and find out what brings you pleasure.
Really getting to know your own body helps you get in touch with your own sexuality, you will also be more comfortable talking about it.
2) Communicate your desires
Discovering what tickles your sexual fantasies is the first step, the next is communicating it to your partner.
Unless you both have mind reading capabilities, you can’t just rely on the sounds you make during sex to find out if you’re doing the right thing.
Whether it’s your first time having sex or you’ve been together for a long time, the best way to learn from each other is to just ask, and talk about it!
When the talking is done, take it to the boudoir and let the rest of your body continue the conversation.
3) Don’t skip foreplay
Foreplay is an important element for good sex, especially for women. It’s like an appetizer that gets your taste buds ready for the explosion of flavours during the main course.
What do people do during foreplay? It’s basically just more touching (who knew?!).
The place where you touch your lover matters. The general idea is that the more ticklish you feel in that area, say your inner bicep and tricep area, that’s probably the spot that will get you in the mood.
Use your fingers, your tongue, and even your breath to gently draw along these sensitive areas. We guarantee that it will awaken your lover’s sexual appetite.
Other ‘sensitive’ areas for foreplay you should try:
- The earlobes – Try nibbling, licking, kissing, whispering sexy things
- Lips – Kissing, lots of kissing, and making out!
- Pubic bone
4) Oral sex
Source: Men’s Health
All the cool kids in the rap and pop songs are doing it (see: Missy Elliot’s Work It), are you?
When it comes to oral sex, to give is to receive because nothing is more satisfying and exciting than pleasuring your partner while watching them squirm with exhilaration.
It doesn’t just get the juices flowing, more like a pipe bursting hot and sticky mess!
Keep in mind though, to wholly give into the activity, you need to like it, or at least want it. Otherwise, your receiver can definitely sense your inattentiveness. This will kill the mood big time.
5) Experiment different positions
The snake, doggy style and… G-Whiz?? No, these aren’t names of famous rappers, but they could be your answer to having better sex.
Even since the ancient times of the Kama Sutra, varying sex positions have been understood to be a vital element in eroticism, sexual, and emotional satisfaction.
In other words, monotony is something you want to avoid in the bedroom, so switch things up every now and then! Sure, the usual missionary style gets things done. But that’s not what good sex is about!
By experimenting with different positions, you get to experiment with different ways and even different levels of orgasms. It’s also a way to be more intimate with each other.
6) It’s not always about the big ‘O’
If you’re thinking ‘but it is?’, then you’re probably not getting the most out of your sexual endeavors.
We’ve all heard about stories of intense orgasms, some one after another. They’re pretty amazing, but they’re not all there is to sex.
By fixating on the big finish, it subconsciously introduces anxiety into the picture. Anxiety activates overthinking, which isn’t what you want to be fixating on during sex.
7) Lube up!
Lube exists for a reason, use it! Lubricants can benefit both men and women, no matter the age. It facilitates slipping and sliding during sex, removing all kinds of friction that may cause pain or tension.
Vaginal dryness is a common problem for women going through perimenopause. However, how wet you get down there can also depend on factors such as:
Anxiety, stress, relationship problems
Hormonal changes and imbalances from contraceptives, pregnancy, menstruation
Medications – Contraceptives, antidepressants, allergy meds
Chemical – Detergents, feminine wash
Medical conditions – Diabetes, chemotherapy
Nothing a little bit of lube can’t fix!
8) Try dirty talking
Dirty talking can be awkward at first, especially if you are just learning the ropes of your sexual fantasies. Sexy talk heightens foreplay, and it’s also a form of communication to get what you want in bed.
Dirty talk is one thing, finding out what kind of talking gets you and your partner’s juices flowing is another.
One way to breach this awkward phase is by simply talking about it, and practice! Describe to each other what turns you on, and what you want them to do to you.
To get some ideas, porn or erotic material can help to inspire and expand your sexy vocabulary.
9) Open relationships
You probably know someone who’s in an open relationship, or at least thought about it.
Ménage à trois in French means ‘household of three’. (It sounds sexier in French, everything does).
Thanks to depictions of polyamorous relationships on shows like Orange is the New Black and I Love Dick, polyamorous relationships are getting their time in the spotlight.
On the contrary to what we commonly believe of non-monogamous relationships, it’s not without rules, and it’s certainly not a f***fest.
Whether your open relationship is romantic, platonic, or perfunctory, it requires all parties involved to set boundaries and have clear understanding and respect for each other. Granted, this type of relationship is not for everyone.
10. Experiment with sex toys
Sex toys aren’t a sign of dissatisfaction. They amp up arousal and can be your best friend in helping you explore dynamic sensations.
The sex toy industry has come a long way when it comes to design and features. From remote control vibrators (great for long distance relationships) to the Bionic Bullet, there’s a sex toy for every occassion.
So don’t worry about having to hide your massive beige coloured dildo. Opt for something more inconspicuous, sleek, that will still get the job done.
We’re all walking around with a million thoughts running through our minds every day. Sometimes, they might creep in during the heat of the moment and cause us to lose focus.
Turning off our minds is simply impossible, but one way to manage this is by practicing meditation.
Meditation helps us to connect with the present and take control of our thoughts. Simultaneously, it also awakens us to the feelings of others.
This boost in empathy and compassion helps you to wholly bond with your bedmate, which creates a ferocious hunger when it comes to sex.
Kegels are exercises that target the pelvic floor muscles by the act of clenching and releasing. They benefit both men and women, and you can do them anytime, anywhere.
The pelvis is located between the area of your hips. It is also where our sexual organs are located.
According to research, exercising these muscles strengthen them from weakening factors such as age, weight gain, as well as pregnancy and childbirth in women.
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You are not alone
You are not alone in the search for a better sex life. We all have sex, and we all deserve good sex! It’s only natural, in fact, it’s our primal instinct.
Even with all the books, how-to videos, and instructional diagrams on things like sex tips for marriage and sex tips for relationship, we can’t seem to stop learning about sex.
Sex is a personal, ongoing exploration, and it’s also about practice.
So keep an open mind, and explore the 12 tips for better sex we’ve compiled above to liven up your sex life!
If you are ever in need of someone to practice these tips with, visit Sugarbook for your potential suitors/suitresses.
For more tips and cheats under the sheets, head over to the Sugarbook blog for some reading pleasure.