Have you heard of the saying, “Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime”?
For those of you who have been through the agony of a broken heart and to those of you who are reading this right now, I’m sure you can relate.
The relationship that you have invested time, effort and emotions in has fallen apart. There is nothing left to do now except to part ways.
What follows are the intense feelings of sadness, grief and the sense that you will never be able to overcome this pain of a broken heart.
Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick fix to stop your heart from hurting but there are some things you can do to help yourself through this journey of healing from a broken heart.
How do you get over a broken heart?
- Here are 15 ways on how to mend a broken heart and move on:
- #1 – Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
- #2 – But don’t become your feelings.
- #3 – Cut off communication with your ex.
- #4 – Find a support system.
- #5 – Exercise.
- #6 – Remember what sucked.
- #7 – Take care of yourself.
- #8 – Don’t judge the length of your healing process.
- #9 – Don’t internalize the breakup.
- #10 – Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviors.
- #11 – Create new routines.
- #12 – Explore old—and new—interests.
- #13 – Accept that closure is something you may need to find on your own.
- #14 – If you decide to date, do so cautiously.
- #15 – Trust that the pain won’t last forever.
Here are 15 ways on how to mend a broken heart and move on:
#1 – Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
A break up sucks and it is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. While all of us have different ways to deal with a broken heart, the most important thing you should know is that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.
Allow yourself to cry and acknowledge that a breakup is like any other type of loss. Allow yourself to grieve over what you have lost. Give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.
It’s not an instant cure but acknowledging your feelings is already half of the battle.
Remember, you are allowed to go through this at your own pace and at your own time.
#2 – But don’t become your feelings.
While we encourage you to feel your feelings, do not let them overcome you. Give yourself a set amount of time to wallow, say for one hour.
During this hour, you can feel sad, cry, scream, yell, journal, listen to sad music — whatever it is that makes you feel better.
But once the hour is up, stop and move on to something else.
#3 – Cut off communication with your ex.
This may sound harsh but cutting all ties with your ex-person in the beginning is actually healthy.
There’s even a scientific reason for this. When you go through a break up, you would experience withdrawal-like symptoms because the feel-good hormones you got from your partner are now gone.
There is no hard and fast rule about contacting your ex. For some, cutting all contact would fix a lot of the problems with heartbreak.
For others, you might still want to occasionally drop a text to check in — just make sure it doesn’t become a habit.
The only way you can get over a broken heart is by breaking the attachment you have towards your ex.
#4 – Find a support system.
You may want to grieve by yourself but do find a few of your closest friends and let them know what happened.
Having a support system is helpful and they will be the ones who can help you get out of your rut when you have spent too much time in it.
Especially if your heartbreak was caused by cheating in the relationship, having people who are on your side will also help you get over the betrayal.
Not only that, opening up to others reminds you that you are not alone and that you can get through this.
#5 – Exercise.
The last thing you want to do is exercise when all you want is to eat a whole carton of ice-cream while watching The Notebook.
But take it from Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, ““Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” After all, she does know a thing or two about dealing with a broken heart in a relationship.
It’s gonna be hard to get started and it might feel like the opposite of a cure. But trust us, if you keep at it, it will help.
#6 – Remember what sucked.
After the relationship is over, we tend to forget the reasons that the relationship ended in the first place.
We miss them so much that we keep thinking of the good memories and the way it used to be. We begin to idealize the person and fixate on how much we have lost without them in our lives.
While the good parts of your relationship deserve their place, you might want to remember all the parts that sucked when you are trying to heal and move on from your heartbreak.
Try to write a list of the negative aspects of your ex-partner/relationship and look at it on the regular. This exercise could help you find the middle ground between missing them too much and reminding yourself that the relationship is over.
#7 – Take care of yourself.
It’s easy to forget about your personal needs when you’re going through a difficult time. Grieving is not just an emotional but also a physical experience.
Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can help you maintain your energy levels.
Ultimately, don’t be too hard on yourself. Simply making an effort to eat and keep hydrated will make a big difference. Take it slow, one day at a time.
Just like how you need to rest and take care of yourself to cure a physical illness, it is the same way for dealing with a heartbreak.
#8 – Don’t judge the length of your healing process.
Everyone has their own process of grieving and healing. Just because yours took longer or didn’t take as long doesn’t mean that you did something wrong.
Or you might feel that the length of your relationship should dictate how long your broken heart is supposed to last. Well, there’s no such thing.
Your relationship could have been 6 months long or 6 years long, in the end, each person is on their own timing.
#9 – Don’t internalize the breakup.
If there was cheating in the relationship, it would add salt to the wound and make you feel worse about yourself.
Avoid going down the self-blame and self-hate route. Your self-esteem and confidence is down a few levels and you may feel vulnerable but sugar, this is not the way to go.
Do not think to yourself that you are not good enough or if you were better at this or that, then the relationship would have survived.
Instead, situate the problem in the relationship (if not in your partner).
#10 – Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviors.
Have you ever found yourself posting on your Instagram story and then obsessively checking it to see if your ex watched it?
Or you find yourself going through every detail of that romantic weekend you had together before the breakup?
Or you’re going through your pictures on the phone and crying to each and every one of them?
There are some who would turn to alcohol or other substances to drown their pain and get that quick fix.
We get it, these feelings and behaviours are a common part of the healing process after a breakup but you don’t want to overdo it.
If you find yourself unable to stop or become too dependent on unhealthy habits, you might want to think of seeing a counsellor to help process these feelings in a better way.
#11 – Create new routines.
Another way to overcome a broken heart is to create new routines and new habits that have nothing to do with your past relationship.
Your Friday nights used to be booked for date nights but now that you are free, be proactive and call up your friends to make plans.
#12 – Explore old—and new—interests.
You might have stopped doing something you enjoy because your ex didn’t like it. You may have held yourself back from exploring a new hobby because you wanted to invest more time in your relationship.
Now that you are no longer in one, you are free to explore to your heart’s content. It may sound difficult to make that first move but you have to start somewhere.
Take deliberate steps forward in your life, such as joining a new gym, enrolling in a pottery class, or planning a trip with your friends.
#13 – Accept that closure is something you may need to find on your own.
Getting over a broken heart, moving on and finding meaning again is something only you can do.
You might have to accept that you will never fully understand the cheating that happened (if that’s what happened).
You may have to accept that you will not be able to find closure from your ex and you will have to create your own healthy narrative. Because that is what’s best for you.
Again, do consider seeking professional help if things get too overwhelming for you to deal with on your own.
#14 – If you decide to date, do so cautiously.
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#15 – Trust that the pain won’t last forever.
It is hard to believe when you are in the middle of this misery that is a broken heart but trust me, this too shall pass.
Have faith in your process and keep going when it seems impossible. The light will shine through one day.
And down the road, you will look back on this and be thankful for the lessons it taught you and the opportunities it helped you to find.
The growth you experience will help you navigate future relationships with others, as well as the relationship you have with yourself.